This is What I Want . . .

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Brett?"

I miss the days when I used to answer that question by saying that I wanted to be something that seems ridiculous like a cowboy, a major league baseball player, a Cowboy, or a surgeon. Unfortunately, the question sounds a little different and the answer has ceased existing these days. It's always looked something like this:

"So, what are you plans after graduation? What do you want to do?"

"I have no idea. What's your favorite color? (subject change)"

As much as I don't like this inquiry of my future, I think I have come up with a response, a very vague and truthful response. Adventure. That's what I want. I think that's what I have always wanted. Although, I have to confess that I can't think about the idea of adventure without hearing Stephen Curtis Chapman's The Great Adventure in my head.

The desired adventure has changed over the years. When I was younger, the adventure I was wanting (and expecting) was usually something related to sports or whatever movie I was obsessed with at the time. As I got older, I still desired adventures from various movies, I just didn't really tell anybody. Now, though, I am desiring an adventure with/for the Gospel.

To be honest, I have been pretty bored with the Gospel lately. I have been complacent for far too long. There has to be something more than this boring life that I have been living. I am confident that God did not intend for His Gospel and our mission to be easy to do and certainly not boring. I understand, though, that if I am living according to the Father's will, I will have the adventure that I desire. So, if I want to have this Gospel adventure, I know that I need to pursue the Father with all of my being. Once I do that, I believe the adventure will begin.

How ready am I for an adventure? I have no idea.

How bad do I want an adventure? You have no idea.

"The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences."

- Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild

I hope this is more than just rambling,

Brett

Worship is hard sometimes: Part 2

I have realized that my last entry was something that I was feeling but didn't really think a whole lot about before writing it. However, I have slept on it, thought about it, discussed it with some smart, Godly people, and now have some more to say about it.

There is a reason that I feel like I can't sing a song that declares that I will give everything, all that I have/am, for the the Gospel's sake. It's because I know I am going to walk out side the doors of the church and screw it up. Like I said in my previous post, I want to be able to sing those words and mean it, but I realize there are things that I don't want to give up or miss out on even for the sake of the Kingdom.

I don't think that is a good enough reason.

What is the point of grace if I walk out the door and do everything right? I am a filthy, nasty, sinful mess and God is fully aware of that. Jesus died so that I can sing everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause with a desire to mean it and actually live it, knowing that I am more than likely going to fail.

A coward refuses to do something that he sees a chance to fail in. The grace of God through the life and death of His son makes us brave.

Needless to say, I am singing that line again and with more passion than ever before.

Thank you, Jesus, for grace.

". . . fight and you may die. Run and you may live . . . at least a while . . ." - William Wallace, Braveheart

Brett

Worship is hard sometimes.

When I was a much younger skinny awkward white guy, my mom taught me a little trick to make it look like I was singing when I didn't know the words. She joked that if I didn't know the words to a song, I should just sing "watermelon" over and over. This would make it look like I was singing but I really wasn't. I mainly utilized this little trick on Sunday mornings.

When it comes to worship, I have a hard time singing things like "everything I am for your kingdom's cause." (Hillsong United's Hosanna) In fact, I skip that line...every time.

I want so bad to sing it, but I want so much worse to mean it.

Thank you, mom, for teaching me the "watermelon" trick. It comes in handy during these worship songs that I tend to sing without actually meaning it.

"These people come near to me with their mouths and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." - God Isaiah 29:13 (I can't remember what movie this is from)

One love,

Brett

Sidewalks are dumb.

By show of hands, how many of you have a problem with sidewalks?

You better believe I have my hand in the air. (Not waving, because I care.)

I was walking on campus today and I realized that everyone walks on the sidewalk. I am not much of a betting man (I use the term "man" loosely **) but I would put money on the fact that 96-98% of UMHB students refuse to stray from the cement pathways. Shoot, that maybe true for college students everywhere. It's a fact that the shortest distance between two points on a plane is a straight line, look it up. That is not necessarily true here at UMHB. The shortest distance between two points on campus means taking a left instead of a right when the the sidewalk splits. It blows my mind that more people don't walk on the grass. Why not walk on the grass? How can you argue with facts like these:

• You get to class/work/your dorm/your freshman girlfriend faster, even if you walk slower.
• Less likely to be involved in a cyclists-pedestrian collision.
• More likely to see wildlife.
• Your shoes (probably TOMS, Chaco's, or those gladiator looking sandals) will suffer less wear and tear from paved walkways.

Starting tomorrow, I will be a new pedestrian. I am going to walk straight from point A to point B. Even if it means walking in the grass. Get your mowers ready, UMHB!

"Aim small, miss small" Benjamin Martin, The Patriot

Hasta lasagna,

Brett

**I am not a boy but not yet a man. Britney Spears said it best, didn't she?

I have not the slightest...

You want to know something weird about me? Something that, if you have spent a small amount of time around me, you probably already know? Oh, you do? That's weird but ok. I am not sure you are ready for this.

I have not the slightest idea about what to do with my life.

There you go. Like I said, you probably already know that. I sometimes have conversations with people concerning this very self-centered topic. The person in the passenger seat or across the table, usually a close friend, mentor, or random Waffle House waitress, asks the question: "Well, what do you love to do?" This is probably number two on my list of questions I hate being asked. It's a little ridiculous that I never have a better answer to it than, "I don't know."

I have not the slightest idea about what I like to do.

It's true. I am not sure if I am actually passionate about anything. I can be passionate about anything that I need to be passionate about, though. For example, if I were going to a Texas Rangers baseball game, I could easily be a passionate Rangers fan. Ok, bad example? Understood. Here's another one: It's easy to have a lot of passionate about Jesus when I am at a worship service or hanging out with Christian friends. That passion seems to disappear, though, when I should be pursuing the Father. At least when passion is expected or needed, I can conveniently pull it out of my pocket and fool some folks, right? Right. No, wrong. I desire passion, a genuine passion fueled by love. Without love I am nothing and my passion is nothing. Just resounding gongs and clanging cymbals. For me, that kind of passion is a needle in a haystack. It is Waldo. It is hiding under Harry Potter's invisibility cloak, if you will...and you should.

Well, I say all this because it is cluttering my brain and it feels good to get it out in the open. I find it coming up in my thoughts almost as often as how much easier it would have been for the Titans to win state if Gary Bertier hadn't been injured in that car crash. I guess, it just goes to show that I don't know myself very well...at all.

I think I referred to this blog as "the open" at the beginning of the previous paragraph. Yep, sure did. That's dumb.

"To live...to live would be an awfully big adventure." - Peter Banning, Hook (5:05)

Thanks for letting me waste your time,

Brett

Round 2

A few months ago, I started this blog hoping to document my experiences this past summer with student life. As you can see, I failed pretty horribly at keeping this thing updated. A mere three posts (including the one that was one sentence proclaiming how bad at this I was/am) is pitiful, but I am ready to try this again.

I don't really understand why I am giving this thing another shot, but I think I know where the inspiration came from. I randomly came across this blog from Blake Butler, a guy who I only know of because I am friends with his brother. The first thing I read were his reasons for his return to blogging. I liked what I read, so now I am doing the same thing . . . except with less creative writing, smaller words, and bad grammar.

I have no idea what I am going to write about or how often, but I am looking forward to it. Right now the plan is to write about whatever is making me think about stuff, and to hopefully update on here once a week. I would say "don't expect anything real smart, funny, or good" but I think it would be better to say "don't expect anything," because historically, there has been a lot of not putting anything on here. Make sense?

"How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure."

- Edmond Dantes, The Count of Monte Cristo (7:15)

I realize this movie quote has nothing to do with the preceding sentences and will usually be the case. I just like the quote.

Brett

I am horrible . . .

. . . at this whole blogging thing.